Schlumpia®- Our Secret Menu

Did you know you can order a peanut butter & bacon ShackBurger at ShakeShack or an Apple Pie Frappuccino at Starbucks?  Just like Starbucks, Shake Shack and many other popular food businesses, Uncle Larry’s Schlumpia® has its own “Secret Menu”.  You’ll have to call Uncle Larry to find out what’s on the secret menu since if we listed the items here, it would no longer be a secret.  Ok, here are a few:  Peking Duck, Specials & Beans, and Banana-Walnut with Ghirardelli chocolate chip Schlumpia®.
10358984_1068136599946301_2903291358308468021_o
Have your own idea for a Schlumpia® variety?  Perhaps a chopped liver and pastrami combo Schlumpia® or wild raspberry cheese blintz Schlumpia®?  For a limited time, you can now commission Uncle Larry to transform your idea into a custom made Schlumpia®.
Next steps, financial and legal info:
Just send us an email describing your dream Schlumpia® and we’ll let you know if it’s possible and provide you with a formal estimate.  What will it cost?  If you have to ask, you probably shouldn’t be commissioning custom Schlumpia® as the cost is often exorbitant.  One of our retained attorneys will provide you with a binding agreement and upon payment of the initial deposit, work will commence.  Note: all rights of your custom Schlumpia® idea will be the property of Uncle Larry’s Schlumpia® as well as any custom intellectual property.
Don’t be scared about what our lawyers made us say.  We don’t have to listen to them all the time.  If you have an idea, just let us know by email .
Advertisements

Schlumpia® Cocktail Franks – They’re a Weiner!

I once went to a French cooking class taught by a classically trained chef.  He was complaining that although he painstakingly makes Coq Au Vin, Coquilles Saint-Jacques and Cassoulet, Americans are more excited about a specific pedestrian food, “How you Americans say – pigs in the blanket”.  I can relate.  I get rave reviews about my Schlumpia fillings:  brisket with wine, garlic, sliced onions, San Marzano tomatoes, and freshly harvested herbs that roasts gently for 4 hours or my home cured , freshly ground spice rubbed pastrami that  is slow-cooked for 6 hours.  Both these dishes then must cool overnight before being thin sliced on a deli slicer (quite involved to say the least).  But, people seem to really love my “Cocktail Franks Schlumpia®“.  I don’t call them “Pigs in a blanket” since it doesn’t sound kosher:)IMG_3078
I didn’t want to use typical mini hot dogs that you find as hors d’oevres at weddings, but something a bit more substantial.   I used the biggest kosher franks I could find – Hebrew National quarter pounders!  I then had to supersize the lumpia wrappers too.  I found some that were almost record album sized.  No measly ’45s for my Schlumpia®.

IMG_3070I first grilled the frankfurters to ensure they had a nice crunch and some sporty grill marks.  I then wrapped them up and sliced them to make convenient appetizer sized pieces. They’re served with spicy brown deli mustard (no bright yellow mustard for Uncle Larry) and some kosher dill pickle slices.  Although they may not be as involved as some of my other culinary creations, they seem to be a fan favorite.  Bet you can’t eat just one of them. Order a tray today!

IMG_2990

Goodbye Brexit; Hello Brisket!

Yes, Britain voting to leave the EU was big news, but that was so yesterday. The new hot story is Uncle Larry’s Brisket Schlumpia®!   Here’s everything you need to know about it.

IMG_2562

Note:  If you are a vegetarian, please substitute the word tofu for brisket whenever it appears in this article.  I’m sure it would taste just as good.  Then again maybe you should just skip this post and order some of our vegan friendly kasha varnishkes Schlumpia®.

So how’d we make it?  First of all, we use the best ingredients possible.  You won’t find ketchup, Lipton onion soup mix or Canada Dry ginger ale in our brisket nor will we use the scrawny trimmed flat portion that’s found in supermarkets around the Jewish holidays.  We purchased and then lugged an entire whole 20+lb brisket that was locally sourced.  By locally sourced I mean we bought it a Restaurant Depot that was less than 15 miles from our rented commercial kitchen.  We then cut it in half to fit into our 2 roasters, seasoned it with lots of Kosher salt and coarsely ground fresh black pepper and seared both sides. “What about all the fat Uncle Larry?” you may be thinking to yourself.  Fat gives the brisket flavor, so we left it on during the cooking process.

IMG_2889
Dueling briskets

Next we added lots and lots of garlic cloves (about 100).  Don’t worry they mellow out nicely after cooking.  Then we opened a bottle of good red wine and added some of it along with organic chicken stock, and imported San Marzano tomatoes. Lastly we added a generous portion of sliced Vidalia onions, and some fresh herbs right from Uncle Larry’s garden.  Freshly snipped rosemary sprigs, basil and oregano were added and the briskets cooked in covered roasting pans for about 3 hours.  We finished the remaining wine to help pass the time.

 

brisketThe briskets were then cooled in the refrigerator overnight and the remaining cooking liquid, vegetables and herbs were pureed to make an amazing dipping sauce for the Schlumpia® and refrigerated.  The next day, most of the outer fat was trimmed off the brisket and it was sliced thinly against the grain with a deli slicer.  We then rough-chopped it (so somebody won’t bite into a brisket Schlumpia® and end up with a large slice of meat dangling from their mouth).  The cooled dipping sauce had about an inch of solidified fat that rose to the top which was discarded (although I think my Grandmother would have just stirred it back in during the pre-cholesterol awareness days of yore).

brisket 2We added some of the rich sauce to the sliced brisket to ensure it kept moist and tender and it was rolled into lumpia wrappers and pan fried until crispy.  We add some Liao’s Chili Chutney to our dipping sauce give it some heat.  Bon appetit!

Rumor has it that Nabisco food scientists are jumping onto the brisket bandwagon and feverishly working chicken and a biscuiton formulating a brand extension for their oh-so-popular classic, Chicken in a Biskit.

This combo cracker will taste like chicken and brisket and be called Chicken and a Brisket.  Be on the lookout for it at your local food store. Then again, why not just order a tray of Uncle Larry’s Brisket Schlumpia®?

Rob Schneider signs on as Schlumpia®’s new celebrity spokesperson!

Rob SchneiderJust like Uncle Larry’s Schlumpia®, famed actor Rob Schneider is  part Jewish, part Filipino.  Who would be better as the new spokesperson for the Schlumpia® brand?   Well actually I guess Pheobe Cates  (of Fast Times at Ridgemont High fame) might be even more of a Jewlipino coup, but her people weren’t as eager (desperate) as Rob’s in responding to my inquiries.

Phoebe CatesDid Uncle Larry really get Rob Schneider on board?  Well, maybe I’m embellishing just a wee bit.  I did recently meet Rob and did tell him about Schlumpia® and he seemed quite interested.  He loved the concept and told me his wife loves lumpia.  I took this to assume he and his family would certainly love Schlumpia® and he would of course want to be the official Uncle Larry’s Schlumpia® spokesperson or business partner is the growing trend of celebrity restaurants.  If you have Michael Jordan’s  The Steakhouse, Sam Hagar’s Cabo Wabo,  Robert De Niro’s Nobu, Jon Bon Jovi’s Soul Kitchen,  Mark Wahlberg’s Wahlburger, then why not Rob Schneider’s Schlumpia®?  Well I gave him my business card, so the ball’s in his court.  Hope to hear from you soon Rob!

PS – Check out his show “Real Rob” on Netflix – It’s a very funny show and I’m not saying this just because there is a chance (albeit minuscule) that he will be joining the Schlumpia® movement.

Spicy Tuna-a gateway Schlumpia®

IMG_2048

Today I tried to make a DIY version of tuna spring rolls I enjoyed recently at Buddakan in Atlantic City.  Crispy spring rolls were filled with perfectly spiced tuna tartare.  The challenge was how to fry an empty lumpia and then fill it with the cold tuna mixture.  If I fried them pre-filled, they’d become hot tuna, which may make for some decent music, but not the recipe I was trying to replicate.

The solution was repurposing a tool used to make cannoli.  I wrapped lumpiaIMG_2038 wrappers around metal molds that traditionally hold cannoli dough.  After frying them and letting them cool, I just slid the empty crispy spring rolls right off the molds.

I filled them with my tuna tartare mixture and my family and I quickly devoured them.

That’s when I realized that these were gateway Schlumpia® that would enable many new varieties suited perfectly for those Jewish inspired fillings that aren’t best  served piping hot, delivered in a crispy lumpia wrapper.   I will soon work on some new Schlumpia® varieties: chopped liver, whitefish salad, Israeli salad and even lox & cream cheese.  Stay tuned.

 

Uncle Larry’s Schlumpia® attains coveted hipster compliance status

Yes – Schlumpia® adheres to all the current trends to ensure we have the hipster seal of approval.  In fact Schlumpia® strives to be all things to all people.  Every variety of our Jewish Filipino fusion premium artisanal craft small batch Schlumpia® are homemade, hand rolled, made and assembled in the USA, and are even fully open-sourced to please our loyal techie community.
pan of schlumpia
 Our team of Schlumpia® mixologists are feverishly working on new varieties and methods to satisfy the personalized palates of each of our consumer’s dietary needs.  We’re developing a gluten free wrapper for those of the GF persuasion,  and even a Mock Apple Strudel Schlumpia® that’s made with Ritz crackers for the ever-growing segment that loves apple strudel but hate apples.
We are also acutely allergen aware, and are have recently moved away from using  peanut oil in our products, along with pollen, cut grass, latex and dust.  We even  have a Schlumpia specially made for those with sensitive teeth, so that they too can enjoy a Pastrami Reuben Schlumpia®.
Our lofty goal is and has always been to create vegan, kosher, halal, pescatarian, cage-free, vegetarian, gluten-free, lactose free,nut-free, parve schlumpia without sacrificing our high culinary standards. We haven’t yet achieved this, but we’re not ready to give up.
Our “farm to fryer” methodology ensures that our Schlumpia® are sourced with the most local, fresh, high quality products available.  When possible we choose organic, grass fed, foraged, wild caught, non GMO ingredients.  All our heirloom recipes are based on authentic family recipes as opposed to just winging it.
Are we embellishing or exaggerating a bit? Yes, but we do it for the all the right reasons although at this time we don’t know what they are.  Just remember, “Everything tastes better in a Schlumpia®.”
Schlumpia guy

Apple Strudel Schlumpia®

 

IMG_1568Summer is over and Autumn is here.  The season is known for  Apple picking, fall foliage and Thanksgiving. It’s the perfect time to enjoy some apple strudel Schlumpia®.

We start by IMG_1316peeling and chopping some Granny Smith apples, chop and toast walnuts and soak some golden raisins in  Gosling’s dark rum (What wouldn’t be good soaked in dark rum?)

IMG_1838Then we cook the apples, add some spices and roll them into lumpia wrappers, thus transforming them into Apple Strudel Schlumpia®. IMG_1836 The final step is to sprinkle on some confectioner’s sugar.

They can be served with fresh raspberries or to emphasize the  Jewish-Filipino fusion element, just add a scoop of ube ice cream.  They’re great hot and are probably equally good at room temperature, but they seem to  disappear too quick to try them like that.

IMG_1305

After I made my last batch of Apple Strudel Schlumpia®, I decided to surprise the folks at my local TD Bank with a Random act of  Schlumpia®IMG_1890