Yes, Britain voting to leave the EU was big news, but that was so yesterday. The new hot story is Uncle Larry’s Brisket Schlumpia®! Here’s everything you need to know about it.
Note: If you are a vegetarian, please substitute the word tofu for brisket whenever it appears in this article. I’m sure it would taste just as good. Then again maybe you should just skip this post and order some of our vegan-friendly Kasha Varnishkes Schlumpia®.
So how’d we make it? First of all, we use the best ingredients possible. You won’t find ketchup, Lipton onion soup mix or Canada Dry ginger ale in our brisket nor will we use the scrawny trimmed flat portion that’s found in supermarkets around the Jewish holidays. We purchased and then lugged an entire whole 20+lb brisket that was locally sourced. By locally sourced I mean we bought it a Restaurant Depot that was less than 15 miles from our rented commercial kitchen. We then cut it in half to fit into our 2 roasters, seasoned it with lots of Kosher salt and coarsely ground fresh black pepper and seared both sides. “What about all the fat Uncle Larry?” you may be thinking to yourself. Fat gives the brisket flavor, so we left it on during the cooking process.
Next we added lots and lots of garlic cloves (about 100). Don’t worry they mellow out nicely after cooking. Then we opened a bottle of good red wine and added some of it along with organic chicken stock, and imported San Marzano tomatoes. Lastly we added a generous portion of sliced Vidalia onions, and some fresh herbs right from Uncle Larry’s garden. Freshly snipped rosemary sprigs, basil and oregano were added and the briskets cooked in covered roasting pans for about 3 hours. We finished the remaining wine to help pass the time.
The briskets were then cooled in the refrigerator overnight and the remaining cooking liquid, vegetables, and herbs were pureed to make an amazing dipping sauce for the Schlumpia® and refrigerated. The next day, most of the outer fat was trimmed off the brisket and it was sliced thinly against the grain with a deli slicer. We then rough-chopped it (so somebody won’t bite into a brisket Schlumpia® and end up with a large slice of meat dangling from their mouth). The cooled dipping sauce had about an inch of solidified fat that rose to the top which was discarded (although I think my Grandmother would have just stirred it back in during the pre-cholesterol awareness days of yore).
We added some of the rich sauce to the sliced brisket to ensure it kept moist and tender and it was rolled into lumpia wrappers and pan-fried until crispy. Bon appetit!
Rumor has it that Nabisco food scientists are jumping onto the brisket bandwagon and feverishly working on formulating a brand extension for their oh-so-popular classic, Chicken in a Biskit.
This combo cracker will taste like chicken and brisket and be called Chicken and a Brisket. Be on the lookout for it at your local food store. Then again, why not just order a tray of Uncle Larry’s Brisket Schlumpia®?